Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
