Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
