I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I understand Curling. That high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
