i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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