The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize