Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
