Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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