sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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