I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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