Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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