don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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