there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
