Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
