I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
