he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize