They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
