She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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