Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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