You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
