Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
