Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
