I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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