You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
