I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
