Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
