I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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