she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
