OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
