This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
