I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
