my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
