I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
