your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
