Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
