he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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