Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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