I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
