I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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