I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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