True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
