ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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