If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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