Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
