The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
