I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
