Already got asked if we're dating
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
