I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
