I wish I only lived at night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
