My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
