My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize