are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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