I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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