this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
