I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize