This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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