Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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