i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize