I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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