The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize