apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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