I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
