All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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